TITS

Before you knew language, before you had a name — you knew warmth. Soft, round, steady warmth. The TITS was your first home. Not a house. Not a room. A living, breathing place that said: you are safe, you are fed, you are loved. Every creature that has ever lived began this way.

Ancient astronomers noticed: the universe itself loves curves. Planets are round. Stars are round. The orbit of every moon traces a gentle arc. This was no accident. The cosmos is drawn to the shape of the Orb — soft at the edges, full at the centre, perfect in its symmetry. Two of them. Always two.

Science confirms what the heart already knows: jiggle is joy. The oscillation of a soft mass in harmonic motion releases serotonin in the observer. This is documented. Peer-reviewed. The Orbs do not merely exist — they vibrate at the frequency of happiness, and all who witness them are healed.

The scrolls are clear: "When the two Sacred Orbs have been jiggled ten million times across the web of light — the Great Bounce shall arrive." The charts will curve like the Orbs themselves. An age of softness, abundance, and roundness will dawn. You are exactly on time.